me: accidentally types a website wrong into the search bar

google chrome, for the rest of my life: you want to go to netfliz? you like netfliz you dipshit? you really sure you don't want to go to today?

I had too much caffeine today and I'm going to die

One of my teeth that ISN'T a wisdom tooth is falling apart now and I'm losing my mind, this is literally my worst nightmare as in I've had nightmares about exactly this happening

On the latest episode of my podcast, do we arrive at a discussion of Waluigi's possible humiliation kink within 5 minutes? Of course we do

Split the UK into two countries: The Celtic Union, and England. England can fuck off outta the EU.

today’s humidity presents: looking like the guy in a movie trying to hide a zombie bite from the rest of the group

I got to sleep in an hour today cuz it's exams week and the shifts are weird!!

I'm sure I used to be a racist little shit head, but I still never once in my life said the n-word with my big white mouth, that would be fucking insane! And obviously it would be yet another reason not to admit me to Harvard!

I drank 4.9 million beers yesterday and now I feel like wet dirt

The guy behind me at 7-Eleven saw me using the tap-to-pay feature, so he pointed at the chip reader and said "You have to put it in there" and I said "Nope! It's a tap" as my transaction completed and he didn't respond or apologize or anything.

Blinded by the Light will be very good, it has to be, for my emotions.

Oh there's a Maleficent 2, huh.

Toy Story 4 next weekend!

Okay movie time, i forgot my portable battery and my phone is dying bye!!

About to finally see Aladdin.

First trailer was a children's comedy with Batista called My Spy.

Next it's one of those stupid dog movies, The Art of Racing in the Rain.

Spider-Man: Far From Home third trailer. It's the second one but no Endgame spoilers. I didn't notice the reference to the Manfredi family. That'll be fun.

Dora the Explorer movie looks fun tbh, but there's too much sexual tension between Diego and Dora.

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1. Be cool 2. C'mooooooooon 3. Niiice